I Learn To Live My Life All Over Again

Just as I was happily realizing my experience has been setting me into forming a rather satisfying living mode as I am heading to my mid-age life, I suddenly find myself come to a squeaking halt because I need to learn to live my life all over again like a new born.

As a new born, the first thing to learn is learning the parental true love. Mother giving birth to and Father taking care of the new born may not mean any true love from them. I am this new born now. I need to learn about parental love all over again. Learning the true parental love is about first, learning what it means of parents taking care of and teaching their children. Second, learning the difference between the parental relationship and the friendship relation, if there is any difference. Third, learning what is the true responsibility of the parents for their children.

The second thing I need to learn to live my life all over again is learning how education system works now these days. When I go to school to receive education, am I learning or am I listening? I want to be taught to enhance my individual thinking ability by learning to use analytical thinking ability effectively. I want to be motivated for exploratory thinking and be reinforced on determining decision thinking ability based on ethics and values. I don’t want to learn through listening sets of rules, regulations, winning argumentation base on personal prejudicial opinion, and the power dominance. I certainly don’t want to receive the education which is taught by telling and demanding me just to listen but restrict and suppress my analytical thinking.

Promises. The third thing I need to learn to live my life all over again is to learn to understand this question: ‘Do people keep promises they gave any more?’. I need to learn how to believe and accept promises given by politicians. When these politicians gave out their promises during their campaign for the public office, what would happen if they didn’t keep their promises without any explanation after they were elected? Would I just say “Well, they lied and they’re bad politicians, let’s don’t vote for them anymore.”? These politicians just get by and go on with the ways they wanted? I’ll just accept the fact that we will let these politicians lied their way to the public office! I will need to learn that without honesty in place, how would the trust system hold up but collapse? I certainly need to learn this all over again in order to continue living my life.

When coming to the fourth thing that I need to learn to live my life all over again is to learn about defending and protecting myself in order to continue living safely. I need to learn to protect myself from virus and violence. Virus weakens people so we will become dependent. Violence overpowers and suppresses people so we will be coerced to be obedient. I need to learn to live all over again coping with virus and violence.

I will say I am learning to live my life all over again is to learn living in today’s money driven world which is making me a money slave against my will.

I will say I am learning to live my life all over again is to learn to cope to live with much lesser choices, no matter how hard I work to try to get more choices in living.

I will say I am learning to live my life all over again is to learn to adapt living within the conditions of robotic obedience and puppet agreement forced upon me.

I will say I am learning to live my life all over again is to learn living as the subdued people.

I am learning to live my life all over again within the overpowering and suppressive ruled.

Mommy’s Little Daughter

“I love you, mommy.”

“Why do you go out everyday?”

“I go to work, sweety.” Mom says.

“Is that why I don’t see you everyday?”

“What’s work, mommy?”

“Work is I do things away from home, that’s why you don’t see me everyday.” Mom says.

“Why don’t you do work at home so I can see you everyday?”

“Don’t go to work and I can see you everyday, mommy!”

“Why do you want to see me everyday, sweety?” Mom says.

“Because I love you, mommy.”

“That’s nice, sweety. But I need to go to work everyday.” Mom says.

“Do you love me, mommy?”

“Of course I love you, sweety. But I still need to go away from home to work and it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you!” Mom says.

“Then, who’s the other sweety at your work that you love too, mommy?”

“There’s nobody at work whom I love, sweety. I need to go to work so that I can make money!” Mom says.

“OH! That’s who you love!”

“That’s who you love at work and I am who you love at home!”

“Is money just like me? That’s why you love her too?”

“Yeah, Yeah, sweety, money is just like you, I love both of you!” Mom says.

“Mommy, please just love me only!” Almost whispering telling mommy close to her ear.

“I want you to love just me, not money, mommy?”

“mommy?”

“mommy?”

I Wouldn’t Make You Sad!

“Don’t make me sad.”

Her eyes are wide open meaning she is dead serious when she tells him.

“Yeah.” The man says.

“Don’t make me cry.”

“Yeah……Yeah…….” The man responded immediately as if he were ordered by a commander.

“Don’t make me uncomfortable at any time.”

“Oh!”

“Wow!” The man says.

“Yeah! I’d try my best.” The man continues.

“But, ……. Do you make me …….?”

“Make you sad? Make you cry? Make you feel uncomfortable?” She questions him.

“Well, I don’t know. “ She goes on.

“I might. I would.”

Silence.

The Man Who Watches The Sea

The waves hammer the concrete wall of the berth with a rhythmic motion pattern which is almost like a programmed pounding machine.

The man who is sitting on top of the concrete berth wall doesn’t notice the pounding right below, the man is watching the sea.

The man who watches the sea believes the troughs and peaks of the waves are people’s ups and downs, their rhythmic patterns of success and failure in life.

The man who watches the sea sees the massive sea with uncountable waves made up by troughs and peaks of water; while each trough and peak of wave is similar to one another, one is always overpowering the other.

The man who watches the sea wonders if the waves will ever compensate each other instead of overpowering all the time.

The man who watches the sea also wonders what would the waves become if they compensate each other although he knows the waves continue overpowering each other.

The man who watches the sea says compensating waves bring calmness while overpowering waves bring roughness; then, he continues, calmness brings demise to waves while roughness brings survival.

The man who watches the sea questions and then questions.

The man who watches the sea continues watching the sea.

The Cigarette Smoke Trail Woman

The shiny silky strand of hair wavily tailing on the right side of her face because of a gush of mild breeze just whistling by. It is not her hair wavily tailing like the tailing of a flying kite in the windy sky, it is the trail of cigarette smoke fuming out from between the right side of her lips that simulates the wavily tailing of a flying kite in the windy sky. Somehow the cigarette smoke trail wavily tailing is in slow motion.

The woman is in front of the glass wall of a fast food restaurant. While the rainbow color leon light reflections spreading on most part of the glass wall, part of the reflections falls on the right side of her face too as she is half leaning and resting her left shoulder against the glass wall.

It would be a cinematic scene of a mystical woman with a just lit cigarette in between her right hand fingers, when she is leaning against the glass wall on her left with a mix of colorful leon lights and night street scene as the background.

The woman wouldn’t notice she would be like acting on stage while the people inside the restaurant would be like audience watching her.

Apparently the woman is deep in thought and tormented by her own thinking because how else would be more worse showing her uneasiness than the gravely facial expression sucking on the upsetting cigarette. The woman is now more weakened after the sadly puff as she crouches against the glass wall while stressing her left shoulder forcibly, showing her is even more troubled and annoyed by her own continuing worrying thinking.

As the woman releases the cigarette smoke in between the right side of her lips after that puff, setting off the wavily tailing of the cigarette smoke trail whistling by the right side of the woman’s face.

Slowly the woman takes the cigarette away from between her lips with two right hand fingers, with her eyes remain shut and says,

“What would you do for a smoke?”

The woman is still deeply annoyed.

 

Mom and Dad

Hey, dad…..

Say, let’s talk……..

Hey, dad, are you happy?

–silence–

Hey, dad, do you need any help?

No………

Sure? You really don’t need any help?

–silence–

Hey, dad, what do you want?

Is there anything you want? Anything you want to do?

You want anything from me?

Hey, dad………

OK…… OK…….

–silence–

Say, dad, let’s take a walk.

No, I don’t want to walk.

Why not, dad?

Why don’t you want to walk?

–silence–

Hey, dad, let’s talk.

Hey, dad, would you tell me a story?

–pause–

I don’t know any story to tell.

Just tell me anything, dad.

I don’t have any story, I don’t have anything to tell you.

But dad, I really want to hear from you telling me a story.

–deep silence–

–silence–

Hey, dad, can I tell you something?

–silence–

I miss you and……I am sorry.

I hope you can hear me………….

AND

Hey, mom……..

Hey, mom………. do you like me?

Hey, mom……… am I your son?

Yeah……….. you’re my son.

Hey, mom, am I being a son of whom you want me to be?

What do you mean?

Am I the son you want me to be?

–silence–

Do you like what I have been doing as your son?

What do you mean?

I don’t know. Is there anything you want from me? Is it you want me to do what you wanted me to do?

–weeping started–

Is that what you’re thinking of me as this kind of person?

What do you think I want you to do?

Are you saying I want you to listen to me and do what I want you to do?

–pause–

I guess………..I don’t know, that’s why I asked. Heck, I might not even know I asked correctly.

–silence– but weak weeping continuing

Hey, mom, have you ever lied to me?

No……….no………….no………

–stronger weeping–

Hey, mom, I’ve always wanted to make you happy, you know that, right?

Hey, mom, are you happy?

–silence–

Is illegitimacy that important?

“Yeew!”  “You are illegitimate?”

It’s repulsive to the one who questions.

It’s repugnant to the one who’s being questioned.

Why is it important whether one is legitimate or not?

Or, isn’t it important?

It’s not the importance, it’s the legality.

Alright, it’s the legality that determines legitimacy.

But then why is illegitimacy repulsive and repugnant?

It shouldn’t be repulsive and repugnant,

it’s only the legality bound difference between legitimacy and illegitimacy,

otherwise,

one’s exactly the same as anyone who is born in their parents.

Okay, I understand; but why do I still think that I’m illegitimate?

I feel I’m missing the love from my parents.

The Chinese Boy

The boy has the complete posture and characteristics of a typical latest 9 year-old mainland bred.

The father commands softly his boy to go get a table in a very busy fast food restaurant during the usual late breakfast hour on a Saturday. The boy immediately looks around searching with his acute spot-search eye sight without split second of hesitation on his father’s command. Faster than anybody else’s speed of carrying out the received order, the boy spots a table for 4. Shorter than anyone’s normal react-time for a discovery find, the boy is already on his move toward his discovery find within that normal react-time frame.

The boy is on one of the 4 seats sitting at a 45 degree in the direction at the center of the table top just like one frame of the video is showing the empty fast food restaurant 4-seater bench table and the next frame is showing the same table but the boy is in the scene with the bench table. His left arm is bent at a 90 degree extended from his upper left torso and laid flat across on the table top. His head is lowered a little bit but looking up with eye sight like a spot search beacon of a serious security guard at high alert. He slowly rotates his head with his spot search beacon eye sight spread covering a span area of about 150 degrees. He’s accomplished his order commanded and he is now guarding his mission accomplished.